Paris Hilton

It was a bright and sunny morning, I was relaxing along the Loire Valley in France when I received the call. The voice on the phone said "Head to Paris and meet outside of the Eiffel tower."  Apparently the votes were in and It was on.

I packed my things and bolted out of the suite. I made it to the city in no time, and when I reached the Eiffel Tower, a sizable crowd had formed around it's base. People were pointing up and looking on with binoculars, while others were taking photos and video. I got a tap on the shoulder and turned to greet my contact, none other than Rick Salomon. He's video taped Ms. Hilton several times in the past, and claims he can convince her to do anything. Well, we shall see.

Rick soon begins to talk about meeting up with Paris at a club the night before, and how she was already quite tipsy. Apparently they partied all night, did a bunch of coke, then decided to play "Truth or Dare" rich kid style. He dared Paris to let him shoot her with arrows a couple of times. She said "Sure" as if she wasn't really listening. After a few solid shots, she said it was starting to get boring. Surprisingly, he said she continued to babble on about make-up and alcohol. He then dared her to saw her own leg off. She didn't really want to do that one at first, but somehow he convinced her it was alright because robo-legs would look dope. So, she sawed her own leg off!! As her thigh spurt blood, she continued to gab about doing drugs and having money...wow. Finally he bet the little socialite that she couldn't fit the tip of the Eiffel Tower inside of her vajayjay. She begged to differ, but said it was too much work climbing that high. Rick double dared her and then offered to drop her on top of it from his plane...so that she wouldn't have to climb. She made a martini and hopped in the cock pit. Unbelievable.

When I asked him if she was dumb enough to actually go through with it, he just smiled and handed me a pair of binoculars. Then, he pointed up towards the silhouette at the top of the tower. When the EMTs showed up, they said that she was mumbling something about designer clothes and risky sex...!