O.J. Simpson

In my most recent sit down interview, I got to chat with O.J. Simpson himself. My buddy Eli Roth had already detained him and had a little bit of Hostel style fun before I even got there.

It looked as though Eli had already blow torched and exposed O.J.'s eyeball before smashing his knees in with a ball peen hammer. Needless to say, "Juice" wasn't really talking much, but his mouth had also been busted up a bit...so I was patient. We asked if he could change the title of his controversial book from "If I Did It" to "HOW I Did It". But, after almost an hour of listening to him mumble on and on about how "he was a football legend" and "appeared in multiple Naked Gun movies" then begging for us to let him go, I finally decided to end our little session.

I handed Eli a meat hook and whispered in his ear. He then slashed the bloated belly of Mr. Simpson to finally expose him for the fraud that he is. Just as we suspected, O.J. was full of shit...A LOT of shit. We let him bleed out as we quickly made our exit.  Thanks again to everybody that voted.