Once again, the people have spoken and the results were out of this world!! The sins of our winning celebrity can be traced back to the invention of computers, and show no sign of retiring anytime soon. This man hasn’t had an original idea in decades…and the ones he did gain fame for were heavily borrowed from Greek mythology and existing science fiction. Yes, you guessed it; our latest mark is none other than George “Turkey Neck” Lucas, and the fat surrounding his bones…let’s get started shall we?
My people on Earth were able to get a hold of my people in the Outer Rim Territories on Tattooine and set up a special meet n’ greet for the historical 20th Celebrity Death Poll celebration. All I had left to do was lure Lucas away from Spielberg’s side for a few minutes and snatch him up…with a super-sized abduction ray. I resorted to using a trick out of Spielberg’s E.T. and I left a trail of Reese’s Pieces from George’s seat at the bar, outside, and around to the parking lot where he was slowly sucked up into a waiting spacecraft and whisked away.
Once we reached Tattooine, George was unloaded and brought into a nearby palace by some big ugly guards while we followed behind. I had never seen a real space gangster up close before, so I’ll admit, I was pretty nervous meeting Jabba the Hutt. He seemed like a decent…slug, and was super excited to accommodate us by torturing and gobbling up Mr. Lucas for our cameras and fans around the galaxy. Unbelievably, Jabba had some trouble getting George’s enormous head down, but eventually made it fit. We made our exit shortly afterwards considering how unpredictable Jabba can be, plus the smell didn’t help matters any.
So, once upon a Tuesday, in a galaxy far, far away…George Lucas met Master Mucus and the proverbial father was then devoured by his own creation. This is hopefully the final episode in an ongoing saga of self-righteousness and greed, plagued by overused, lackluster special effects and corporate tie-ins. Let us now pray that there are no further prequels in the pipeline…rest in pieces, you must!