David Spade

David Spade is known quite well throughout Hollywood (and the world for that matter) as a 1st class A-Hole on the celebrity B-list. I find Mr. Spade to be quite funny when he’s hurling cynical insults on SNL re-runs, but on-screen personas aren’t always supposed to make their way off set. Basically, David Spade is just a pissed off snotty little bully, and the Celebrity Death Poll Underground couldn’t be happier about it.

I was able to get a couple of producers from Fear Factor to orchestrate the death sequence for today’s execution. Because of how mean David Spade can be, we chose a “Catch more flies with honey” theme…only, we used bees because flies don’t kill. David was brought out to the field where the crew was setting up. He thought he was actually hired to host a new show about Playmates covered in honey…not quite.

Once the sedatives in his cocktail had begun to take effect, the crew members lead David to the base of a tree. Spade was out cold and in no time at all, naked and slathered in honey instead. We strung him up slowly to the tree alongside a big and active beehive. David was groggy and coming around when the horn was sounded, rocks were thrown, and a slew of African killer bees were released to feud with the native honeybees. Needless to say, Spade wasn’t the only one receiving a rude awakening. The bees were everywhere…and they were pissed!

I’m so glad the guys from Fear Factor had us shielded from the angry swarm in a comfy little viewing trailer, otherwise that could’ve been bad. Let me just say, those killer bees ain’t no joke. It turns out that you really DO catch more bees with honey than with vinegar. Too bad it’s a smidgen late for David Spade to learn this lesson…I think his last words were “Just shoot me.”