Carlos Mencia

The other afternoon, I awoke to a loud knock at my door. When I looked through the peephole, I saw Joe Rogan grinning from ear to ear. This could mean 1 of only 2 things…either he’s come to return my VHS copy of Curly Sue, or Carlos Mencia had won the latest “Celebrity Death Poll”. When I opened the door, he immediately grabbed me and said “C’mon, we’ve gotta go!”

As we sped through the city, Joe explains that not only did Carlos win the poll, he was also performing at the Palace Theatre downtown RIGHT NOW!! Joe says he’s got the whole thing planned out. We pull up out front, he hands me my ticket saying “Go get seated, and enjoy the show.” I made my way to the 2nd row while Carlos was onstage doing a classic bit by George Lopez. As members of the crowd began to boo and taunt the faux Hispanic comic impostor, Joe Rogan walked onto the stage. The crowd began cheering and demanding blood. Joe wasted no time and began pummeling the fat unfunny bastard into submission. Once subdued, Rogan hogtied Mencia and pulled Carlos’ pants down. As Joe went to pick up the fallen microphone stand, Carlos managed to free an arm. Too bad it didn’t do him any good. By this time, Bill Cosby and George Lopez had joined Joe onstage and began sawing off Menstealia’s freehand at the wrist. Those of us in the first couple of rows got sprayed like we were at a Gallagher show. As Carlos was struggling to keep his composure, Mr. Rogan applied a UFC style choke hold and shoved the entire microphone stand up Mencia’s ass and right out of his mouth. WOW!!

The crowd was roaring, cameras were flashing and the stage was alive with star power. However, Cosby and Lopez didn’t want to be credited or even associated with this savagery, so they dipped out pretty quickly. Joe, on the other hand, couldn’t have been happier. The stage was a bloody mess and for the first time ever, a Carlos Mencia show ended with a standing ovation. “Dee-dee-dee!”