Bret Michaels

Well, February has come and gone, and apparently so has Bret Michaels' chance at finding true love. The votes were tallied and the former Poison front man has officially landed himself in the number 1 spot on the Celebrity Death Poll “Of Love”. I’ve enlisted in the help of VH1 (among others) for this execution…should be fun.

The executives over at VH1 contacted me once they heard about Bret winning the newest CDP, and offered to help me extinguish his flame. They informed me that Bret had already been notified (by them) to show up for the first day of filming on Rock of Love 4. Unfortunately for him, he wouldn’t actually be getting a fourth shot at having nasty sex with strangers on TV…he’s about to be put out of his misery. In true Rock of Love fashion, we’ve decided that the perfect first date for Bret is obviously going to be at a sleazy strip club. I like the way the guys at VH1 think.

We had everything ready by the time Bret got to the “Sleaze n’ Cheese: Nacho Babes” strip club…classy! With a little “poison” added to his drink, Bret was told to get on stage and prepare for the show. The lights went down and the music began as the girls entered the bar. Bret didn’t really notice that the ladies were all disgruntled former Rock of Love cast-offs until several minutes later. At this time, Mr. Michaels was getting a little woozy and had to sit down. We quickly cuffed him to the stripper pole and let each of the ladies stuff their roses down his throat one at a time.

A bouquet of hatred poking through his neck should make Bret Michaels realize that every rose (in reality) has several thorns. With guy-liner running down his cheeks, blood trickling from his throat, and poison coursing through his veins I’d say Bret’s tour definitely ends here. Thanks to the Sleaze n’ Cheese, past contestants, and the fellas at VH1 for making this an extremely satisfying Celebrity death Poll. You rock!