Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore

Today, I received a message on my flashing red Starr Phone...the newest Celebrity Death Poll must've ended. I had a hunch who it'd be, but I wasn't certain. The voice on the phone said to meet at the old amusement park, past the hardware store.

My limo pulled up front near the admission booth. It's broad daylight, and when I get inside, E! Entertainment is having some sort of red carpet walk. Flashes are going off and camera crews were scattered throughout the people. Paparazzi are snapping shot after shot of the couple in front of me. It was Brad and Angelina. Those two lucked out this time, but not by many votes. Not surprisingly they've come to see the "main event", however, it is surprising to see they brought the kids.

Just as I make my way past the cameras, I hear "Hey, Dick!" I spin around to see none other than Bruce Willis himself. "You got my message, good." Him and I go way back. We slap hands, hug, and get to a place where we can talk. He throws his arm around my shoulder and tells me everything. About how Flox studios is funding the whole thing as promotion for "Live Free or Die Hard". Bruce goes on to say that he's rigged up something really special along the roller coaster behind us. Says he stopped by the hardware store on his way. He promises that Ashton and Demi will completely lose their heads over this ride.

Apparently Ashton thinks he's "Punking" Demi, but Demi thinks she's "Punking" Ashton...it turns out BRUCE is "Punking" the both of them. The cameras weren't actually able to show the footage of their demise to the public, but Bruce and I snagged a snapshot from the "coaster cam". Nice timing and clarity on those things. I asked Bruce why they both had black eyes and busted lips...and he said "Because I throw a mean right hook junior."